uchh, i hate that term. For some reason, stay-at-home-mom is more acceptable to me, I don't know why. Maybe because "homemaker" seems like some kind of new monicher the politically correct have decided makes staying at home with your children somehow more respectable - whatever... I'm a mom and I stay at home.
so this post may seem down, but I want to make sure that no one mistakes it be so. I am SO happy to be home with Luna. It is awesome to spend every day with her. She is amazing, and SO adorable. She changes so much every day, and I feel so priveledged to be able to take care of her myself and see her grow and change. But we are still exploring this new experience together. She has been adjusting well. She is eating better then she was in daycare, and the separation anxiety that she was exhibiting when we took her out of daycare is starting to subside. She is definitely learning that we are now home together and that I'm not leaving anymore!! Awesome.
But today was a challenge. I don't know why per say - I mean we're half way into our second full week of our adjustment, which isn't that long, but I have definitely felt the change at times. I guess it has to do with the added stress of selling the house and the home inspection that's going on and everything, but I got up this morning at our regular time, then we started our normal routine. SO far our normal routine hasn't afforded me a shower since Saturday. Don't get me wrong, its not that I didn't want one - but, I just havn't figured out how to get it done. I have managed to wash my hair in the sink, and my face and do a "cat-bath" every day - but not today. I had to call a ton of contractors and was just trying to stay on top of making sure that we get this house sold. So it was noon before I knew it and time to feed us both again. Between all the phone calls and making sure that Luna was stimulated, happy and fed it was 2pm before I had actually eaten a fullfilling, whole lunch! And I'm used to getting my mid-day at 11:30... lesson learned - GRAZE.
So then we tried to head off to the park - Luna was getting stir crazy, before heading to th egrocery store for more baby food (lack of good planning on my part,)and once we got thereand swinged for a while I realized that Luna was VERY poopy and I didn't have a diaper bag!! So off to home we went, and then she was ready for her afternoon feeding ofcourse - just delaying the inevitable trip to the store...
anyway - to make a long story short, we got it all done, and had a good dinner, both of us. We even managed to have a nice walk after dinner and then get a good bed-time for Luna. But after she went to bed I put away the laundry, swept the kitchen floor, finished the dishes, FINALLY took a shower and went over to my new neighbor's house to help her close her garage door (she's at least 80 years old, and has no car in the garage at present and just moved in today, so I didnt want her to leave it open all night and signal to any bad guy around that no one was home.)
So whatever - it's mundane, very mundane. But for some reason, when I was sweeping the kitchen floor, after all of that, I had a selfish thought something like "I can't believe that I have the education that I do, and the experiences that I have, and I am going to spend my time sweeping my floor like this, over and over again."
Again, don't get me wrong - this is what I want. And I am so thankful for the priveledge. But I AM adjusting!! And then all of a sudden it came to me, through grace - this is a sacrifice. I am making a sacrifice for my child. What better reason? And I thought about sacrifice and what that means to me. About our Father and his sacrifice for us, and what that means to each of us. I couldn't be happier to make sacrifices for Luna and Bas, and our life together. I know that this time with Luna and Bas is precious. When older women come up to us at the grocery store and adore her, I recognize that they miss this time in their own lives, and would say that it was the best years of their life. And I will treasure it. I think of Mary and that one verse about how she treasured all these things in her heart. And it was worth it. It will always be worth it.
Isn't it wonderful that we have LOVE in this world?
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